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221B fic: The heat is on

BBC Sherlock

Rating: 12 (nudity, slash)

221B fic: 221 words, last one starts with B

Spoilers: none

It was definitely John's worst recent experience while stark naked. Why hadn't he been warned that Dutch saunas were mixed, and swimming costumes and towels weren't expected?  He was sweaty and miserable, and that group of women who kept looking across at him...

In London, he only sometimes felt short. In Utrecht, all the women towered over him. And so forceful, a race of dairy-fed Amazons. He was sure that middle-aged lady was making comments right now to her neighbour. Probably about repressed, but sex-crazed English dwarfs.

Because, despite it all, he had a hard-on, and it was all due to the bastard sitting curled up on the bench next to him. Sherlock might have sweat trickling down his back, but he was still calmly talking to his two contacts, switching easily between Dutch, English and French. He didn't need John here. Well, he supposed he could bite the men's ankles if they turned nasty, because they were huge as well.

He closed his eyes and tried to think cool, calming thoughts, and then the men were going, and Sherlock's hand arrived on his knee, which did not help...

"I think," Sherlock's voice rumbled in his ear, "we should put some clothes on, and go somewhere more private." As John gaped, he added, smiling: "I've known for months that you're bisexual."


( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 27th, 2010 06:05 pm (UTC)
Oh, poor John! xD How embarrassing, glad Sherlock decided to do something to free him from his misery. :D

And it seems that I lied, instead of re-reading your Mycroft/John, I decided to read your other fics. :3
Nov. 27th, 2010 07:36 pm (UTC)
I only know about Dutch saunas because a relative was once taken to one. But between the forceful middle-aged women and not having his glasses on, he didn't make it sound at all erotic.
Nov. 27th, 2010 06:10 pm (UTC)
I like the specificity of "worst recent experience while stark naked"! glad that poor John's predicament will have a happy ending...
Nov. 27th, 2010 07:41 pm (UTC)
This is John Watson - he's probably had hideously embarassing situations while stark naked on three different continents. And yet he's still not deterred from stripping off on occasion.
Nov. 30th, 2010 10:29 pm (UTC)
Great fic! (Also loved the Dutch connection, because I am Dutch. :-) )
Dec. 2nd, 2010 07:48 am (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed it - I've visited the Netherlands several times, but not yet got to Utrecht, or into a Dutch sauna (though a relative of mine's story about going to one inspired this fic).
Nov. 30th, 2010 11:52 pm (UTC)
...is it so terrible that I now want a series, covering all John's former candidates for the worst experience while stark naked accolade?

Loved this so much! Beautiful easy use of the form and a great last word to end on!

Dec. 2nd, 2010 07:54 am (UTC)
I'm not sure I've got any inspiration for writing these currently, and most of them are presumably in his pre-Sherlock life, so might be less interesting. But lurking in Impure genius (early on in part 2), I do have the most embarassing dating experience of another John variant.
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 1st, 2010 11:15 pm (UTC)
John's description of himself as short is too funny! Wonderful little fic.
Dec. 2nd, 2010 11:21 pm (UTC)
"Sherlock might have sweat trickling down his back, but he was still calmly talking to his two contacts, switching easily between Dutch, English and French..."

That's giving /me/ a hard on!

Edited at 2010-12-02 11:21 pm (UTC)
Dec. 3rd, 2010 09:00 am (UTC)
Language porn? Get a grip, woman! I'm not going to be the one writing to Benedict Cumberbatch asking him to record a recitation of the Chemical Abstracts list of journals.

But because it's you, here's a little something I found today:

"The German nobleman Arnold von Harff traveled between 1496 and 1499 from Cologne to Italy, Turkey, Spain, the Near East. He always noted the number of indulgences obtainable by visiting the various shrines. He included into his account a collection of the various types of alphabets, and what he considered the most useful phrases in the various languages of the countries he visited. Thus we find "Woman, shall I sleep with you," often even more crudely expressed, in Serbo-Croatian, Greek, Arabic, Hebrew, Basque. He substituted "Wash my shirt for me" in Albanian, Breton, Hungarian. Greek has both phrases, Turkish neither. In Hebrew, "Woman, let me sleep with you tonight" is followed by "I will give you a guilder."

Herbert Penzl,' "Gimer min ros": How German Was Taught in the Ninth and Eleventh Centuries', German Quarterly, Vol. 57, No. 3 (Summer, 1984), p. 395
Dec. 3rd, 2010 09:39 am (UTC)
That makes me snortle merrily!

That reminds me - I must go to your "Science Sherlock should know" post and read/contribute. Sadly I'm having too many problems with science I should know right now...

*bangs head on desk wailing "WHYYYYYY? WHYYYYYYYYY?" Which is not an adequately expressed hypothesis*

Edited at 2010-12-03 09:40 am (UTC)
Dec. 3rd, 2010 05:16 pm (UTC)
I know I'm going to regret asking this, but how many times do you reckon you have to bang your head on a desk before you get measurable DNA traces?

Please, please go and leave comments on the science post - its comment field is currently virginal, waiting for someone to insert something substantial...oh, I can't do this kind of stuff, you know I can't.

And now I need to get back to the day job and translate something about incest.
Aug. 7th, 2011 09:07 am (UTC)
This was done on purpose! Tricky Sherlock.
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )